I’ve seen post after post by Black people I love asking me, you, us...what we are feeling and what we are doing to change ourselves and each other.
I wrote to my entire list yesterday to share how I was feeling. Maybe you missed it. I’m in mourning. The days are spent weeping and trying to work...you know that haze? In fact, I’m writing this to you this morning...not ahead...write and send.
If you open this email when it drops into your inbox it will still have the warmth of my touch. Like sitting down on a vinyl chair that you expect to be cold when you arrive, but it’s warm because someone was just seated there.
I could try to pretend that I have some answers for you. I could tell you exactly what we will be doing in TTIN to make our world more just. I could make things shiny to try to ease our pain.
But there is real danger in this.
You see, I am - just as many of you are - trying daily to tell a new story with my life.
And I get it wrong all of the time.
While I have seen the other side...the wide open space within me...I often run, full tilt boogie, towards my cave of internalized white dominance. It’s familiar in wildly changing times. But I no longer believe in its ability to feed me.
What feeds me is community. All of the emails yesterday from those of you who read my heart words and sent back some version of "I’m with you", "I’m gutted", "I was hoping you would write to us", "I’m gonna read this over and over", "I’ll see you tonight" (we had a launch last night), etc.
Even if I have the best intentions in the world - which would mostly rest somewhere along the lines of trying to make cauliflower go down a little more smoothly - I cannot fake this liberation journey.
It would be a terrible lie if I tried to tell you that I can see something you cannot.
So I’m not offering you something static.
I’m not willing to put out something that appears polished and perfect.
What I really want from this space is messy, multifaceted, committed, think we have a good idea and test it only to find that 10% of it works, pull everything apart, imagine a new construction with the parts we have, ask about the parts we are missing, go find those parts (or people), singe our fingertips a bit, leaver our hair uncombed for days or weeks, all of us working in a huge virtual warehouse bustling with activity and collaboration and hope and rest when we need it and the will to keep going no matter what.
That was one hell of a run on sentence.
I don’t care.
It’s my heart and drive and hope for us.
Maybe it is for you too.
We have never done this in our community (that I’m aware of).
The Time Is Now.
I will be learning in real time along with you.
Usually I offer work that I have spent loads of time with. I would drip things to you that follow my developed scope and sequence. Not this time.
I have a loosely developed pathway that I drew out for us...but I don’t believe it will be linear. This work never is.
For those of you who have been around me a bit - and taken multiple cohorts - this will be your view into what happens behind the scenes.
It’s honestly the scariest thing for me.
My worst fear in the world is being ineffective.
I’m stretching myself here. Depending on the collective to be more effective than I could ever be with a well thought out plan.
I’m leaning into you.
A trust fall.
I’m hoping you’ll catch me. I promise you’ll get a turn and I’ll be there to catch you.
The first module drops May 18th.
On Monday, I'll finish telling you about Florian.
Tuesday at 8pm, enrollment for TTIN will close.
If there is one thing I’m certain of, we are about to learn a ton together.
If this resonates with you, I’d love to have you with us.
In any case, enjoy your Friday.
Celebrate Mr. Arbery’s birthday. Make cupcakes. Sing happy birthday out on your deck. Bang pots and pans and when your neighbors ask whose birthday it is, you tell them.